


No Light Left

by MisplacedEnergi



Category: Cukur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 07:44:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19389622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisplacedEnergi/pseuds/MisplacedEnergi
Summary: This is just a little imagined continuation of Cumali and Yildiz's conversation after Sena's funeral in which he talks a bit about Yamaç.





	No Light Left

**Author's Note:**

> It's not revelatory but it is just something I thought could have been a natural addition to the scene after we last see them.  
> Enjoy!

Yildiz took a moment to steady herself in the kitchen as she poured tea. Her heart broke for the man in the other room. She'd stayed by his side while he'd wept bitterly, not knowing what to say to ease his pain. She'd tried to put aside her own grief as he spoke but after a while he seemed to retreat into himself and fell silent, so she slipped from the room to allow herself the breakdown she'd kept in check. 

She made the tea for the both of them as she pulled herself together and took a deep breath before carrying the tray into the living room and setting it down in front of Cumali, who was now sitting upright, his eyes red but dry. He didn't look up. 

When he finally spoke his voice was strained, tired. "There is just no light left in him Yildiz. There's none. It's just gone." He held his hands out in front of him   
as he spoke, staring at his empty palms helplessly. He was silent for a moment and then let them drop heavily to hang over his knees. "That's because of me."

Yildiz closed her eyes against the pain, fighting back the urge to put her arms around him. "Cumali" she breathed as she opened her eyes again. "it really isn't. You couldn't have known-" 

His shoulders hunched against her attempt at comfort and he became agitated. "I *should* have known. I should have! I brought her there didn't I?   
Didn't I tell him his family was safe? I promised the kid! I said-"

"They are your family too, Cumali." Yildiz gave in and put a hand on his shoulder. She could practically feel the heat of guilt pushing out from inside of him.

"Yeah." His eyes closed briefly as his head fell back. Then he nodded and swallowed before looking back at the floor.  
"Yeah but she was his." 

Yildiz looked away as tears for Cumali, Yamaç, and her lost friend threatened to overtake her again.

Cumali scrubbed at his face suddenly, as if trying to reset. "You know, I love that kid." He turned to her finally, so Yildiz wiped her eyes and forced herself to look back at him, nodding. 

"I love him as if he was my own." He smiled a little to himself. "He practically was. I was a man when he was born. Twenty years old, I'd raised my brothers already and then here comes this...this bebe." His eyes softened on the last word and Yildiz smiled as she waited for him to continue. 

"This kid. You wouldn't know he was one of us. If I didn't know better I'd think Sultan plucked him off the street." He laughed softly. "Yamaç was always laughing. Always laughing! He thought every damn thing was funny. I couldn't even get angry with him he'd just smile at me like a little maniac." As he spoke his smile widened and he shook his head. "my maniac bebe..." 

Cumali exhaled, exhausted. "He should have stayed that way. But as he got older...He wasn't meant for this Yildiz. Çukur nearly broke him." His eyes   
grew dark. "Baba nearly broke him." He exhaled. "But he ran." Yildiz heard the admiration in his voice.

"Baba was so angry. Everyone was so upset. But I -" He brought both hands to his chest "I was so relieved. The kid would finally have a chance to breathe." He shifted to lean back in the sofa as he remembered. 

"I always planned to go find him. To let him know that I -that his abis - were still here no matter what." Cumali sighed. "But then i went to prison. I don't know if anything would have been different if I hadn't. I really don't. Hell maybe I'd be in the ground alongside Karhaman."

Yildiz felt her chest tighten. 

"All I know is that while I was gone, the kid found a way to be happy again. He was playing his crap rock music and making potions" Yildiz smiled at the toothless derision in his voice.   
"And he was laughing." Cumali's voice wavered a bit and he cleared his throat. "He was laughing because of her." At that he took a deep breath and exhaled with a sound of defeat. 

"This place found a way to break him after all. He put up a fight, they both put up a hell of a fight Yildiz." He shook his head "But Cukur swallowed them up all the same." 

Cumali looked at Yildiz, his eyes tired and aged. "He used to have a light Yildiz. My baby brother used to have a light. And now it's just gone."

He stared into her eyes, as if pleading with her to fix it. To say something that would just make it different. Better. Not real.

"I'm so sorry Cumali." She was at a loss. She knew he wouldn't hear her attempts to absolve him and he couldn't hear what she felt for him. 

He gazed at her a moment longer before once again scrubbing his hands over his face, standing and heading to the door. She stood as he turned the handle and pulled it open. 

Before leaving Cumali turned and gestured awkwardly toward the tea, left untouched on the table.

"...Thank you. Yildiz...I -" He glanced toward the children's bedroom door. "I'm sorry to come so late." 

He left swiftly and the door had already latched shut as she opened her mouth, but it was just as well.

There was just nothing left to say.  
"


End file.
